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Tag: books

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Posted on March 14, 2019

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Such Nonsense Do you remember when you learnt about sex? I … Continue reading “Let’s talk about sex, baby”

Sexuality books, education, motherhood, parenting, sexualityPosted on March 14, 2019

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Loving Artichoke
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The Dada of Dragons The wiper of tutus The reader

The Dada of Dragons
The wiper of tutus
The reader of gazillion books
The sourdough master
The quarantine Other Adult
The Master Folder
My Love
The kindest human to rear and figure out how to raise three tiny dragons into kind and interesting big dragons
Happy Dada Day @ajswartz

today I harvested the first food I have ever grown

today I harvested the first food I have ever grown.
Today I also told my 4 year old that a man called George Floyd was killed by the people who supposedly protect us because of the color of his skin. I also told her it is our responsability to stop that from happening. .
Paraphrasing Dan Sacks from @noodleloafshow : plant good seeds.
Here are some resources that can help you plant good seeds:
@theconsciouskid
@diversereads

#happymothersday2020
It’s been a shitshow.
It’s my day of celebrating and yes, My incredible partner, who takes care of the dragons while I sleep in a bit (most mornings), did all he could to make me feel loved and special.
.
Here it comes.
The truth.
I feel like a failure.
I am failing at my kids for not “enjoying all this time I have with them”.
I am failing at my business because, truthfully, I have barely worked in the last two months.
I am failing at my body because there has never been this much bread in my house.
I am failing at my erotic because I am touched out.
I am utterly and profoundly disappointed With myself.
Oh no you’ll say, you’re doing such a great job in these circumstances. Be gentle, be kind.
Sure.
Some days.
Others I want to yell and scream and run away.
I joked that for Mother’s Daytoda I just wanted to stay in the car all day. By myself.
.
It is hard to have reflections, to think of things, to ponder how I am, how this chaos that is life is evolving.
.
THERE IS NO TIME.
There is no time for me.
If I carve out some to say, workout, or have therapy, I know my partner is having a very heavy load on his shoulders and Emotions. This is not to say I don’t do it, but it is a lot to ask for.
.
My work, the way I work in helping clients develop their erotic sense of self is by spending time alone. You need alone time to reflect, to touch in your demons and needs, your desires and fears.
If there is constant noise and outside needs there is never space for us.
.
That is, in a nutshell, what I am living. I constantly feel/ want/ implore to be living this differently (and sure, yesterday was better, tomorrow can be good too... these are waves of grief and joy and acceptance without any control).
I do what I shouldn’t and compare my perception of my story as opposed to others’ stories and I do not enjoy my narrative.
.
But there’s no space for me.
Next time I wear a bowl for a helmet, chasing a wise little boy who says “yesterday is tomorrow, tomorrow will be yesterday and today is tomorrow” I’ll take a breath and try to recognize myself in laughter or despair and see that this too, is who I am, even if I have no time to look in the mirror.

My three dragons were born under the care and comp

My three dragons were born under the care and compassion of midwives. I wouldn’t have had it any other way, and thankfully, I didn’t need to.
Informed consent, trusting my body to do what it was meant to do, absolute compassion, knowledge and trust.
.
My first birth was in NY and had my midwives not trusted, not had patience, the birth would have been very different. They never questioned my need for an epidural after 20 hours of back labour, and they trusted my body to do...
.
My second labour lasted six days, and their care and company during those six days was invaluable.
I had a surprise water birth at @torontobirthcentre and it was beautiful and I was well taken care of, as was my dragon.
.
My third dragon was 11 days late and when she came it was fast and furious and oh so furious.
I delivered on the floor of the birth center on hands and knees roaring like the primal being that I was.
.
They also took care of my babies so I never left my home for check ups during the first few weeks. They came to see me and my babes, they are and always will be shiny auras of the hardest and most beautiful moments of my life.
.
Thank you for knowing my body could do it. For allowing me to know it, for encouraging me to know it, for guiding me to discover that knowledge. .
#midwifery #ontariomidwives #ontariomidwivesoverdue #sevengenerationsmidwives @fordnationdougford #torontomidwiferycare #torontomidwives #@sgmt_midwives #sgmtmidwives

This is what life feels like right now. . Holding

This is what life feels like right now.
.
Holding up a child, or perhaps three dragons above my head, giving them everything: food, shelter, being their friend, being their teacher, their punching bag, their cuddler, their storyteller, their example, their bad example, their cleaner, their reader, their playmate, their toy, their everything, because they’ve lost everything: the only humans they see #inreallife.
.
This is life right now, attempting to sustain a child above my head, while holding everything else without hands, including me.
.
The hoola hoop is probably my mental and emotional state.
Holding the child is more important.
Holding the hoola hoop, not as much. .
If one has to fall which one should I let drop?
Which one do you?
.
How tired are you now?
Me? I’m fucking exhausted (while acknowledging all the privilege I have), so fucking exhausted.
.
Yesterday I was running around and playing. Today I wish I could have stayed in bed all day. That didn’t happen..
.
May tomorrow be a better day.
.(but as that dragon says: today is yesterday)
.
#socialisolation #socialdistancing2020 #covidparenting #covidparents #covid_19 #noschoolhere
#isolationlife #isolationchronicles #isolationchallenge #isolationchallenge2020

Today was a good day. I accepted the reality and t

Today was a good day.
I accepted the reality and the normalcy instead of fighting it from opening my eyes onwards.
I mostly accepted it.
Today was a good day in which I tried to focus on what I am grateful for.
Today I hugged my husband a lot, I kissed and tickled my dragons and played with them with no time limit (except for food, of course).
I went for a walk and ran after my dragons on patinetas while pulling a wagon with another dragon and a puppy all while trying to avoid every other human in sight.
Today was ok. I recreated my leftovers and made them into something that no one complained about.
I barely yelled.
Ok, I yelled, but less.
I didn’t cry today.
So today was a good day.
.
Other days have not been like this. Sadness invades me. And anger. Absolute frustration. With the situation. With the little humans that need and ask and and ask for more and more and are constantly demanding and the exhaustion.
Other days I am constantly fighting with the resentment to be able to be by myself for just a bit, to be able to work, just a little, to be able to think.
There are days and days.
.
The days I don’t fight but accept are the ones where I am able to play.
I don’t push myself to have those days.
Expectations have been lowered all around.
The house is messy, there are still boxes that need unpacking. I’m not sure why I need to not wear pijamas.
.
Some days cows are cows, other days cows need to be painted, and washed, and painted, and then danced with. With the dinosaurs.
.
This is life right now.
.
#stayhomestaysafe #stayhomesavelives #isolation2020 #familyisolation #isolationthoughts

This Last week has been... a lot, for everyone. I

Pandemics are contagious, So is kindness... a bit

Pandemics are contagious,
So is kindness... a bit of relief in these crazy, strange strange times we live in. .
.
What act of kindness will you do today?
.#selfquarantine #socialisolation #pandemia2020 #kindnessiscontagious

#dollypartonchallenge accepted!Aren’t we all j

#dollypartonchallenge accepted!Aren’t we all just so many different faces? Facets? Personas?How can we “just be” one version of ourselves when we love so many different lives in just one day?
Do you allow all of yourselves to live? To come out and say hello and take over for a little while and then let the other part of you take over for the next part of life that has come up?
Or do you abide by the status quo that sometimes is just pushing through and getting through the day?How many yous do you recognize?
How many do you allow yourself to be?Is one of them full of self love?
Is one of them to care for others?
Is one of them the one that thrives and challenges?
Is one of them the one that feels and seeks pleasure?
Is one of them the one that gives?
Is one of them the one that receives?
.
How many yous do you create and destroy?
How many yous are all of you?
.
#ponderingsonthebeing #dollypartonmemechallenge #dollypartonchallenge😂 #dollypartonismyspiritanimal #thinkaboutit

Today is this man’s birthday. He paints toenail

Today is this man’s birthday.
He paints toenails.
He holds me when I’m sad.
He makes killer pancakes.
He pushes me to thrive.
He gives love beyond what I ever imagined. To me and to our dragons.
He is creative and brave and has launched a new business.
He has patience like a mountain.
He is the best reader of children’s books.
He has a magical laugh, and his smile can melt worlds.
He does dishes and folds sheets in the sexiest way possible.
He dreams and hopes and plans and does.
He believes in me beyond my own belief.
He grew his hair because I thought it was sexy (and oh boy, it is).
He has kindness that is simply an innate part of his nature.He is my love. He is my unicorn and my husband.Happiest of birthdays my love @ajswartz One day we will celebrate without any tantrums but our own 😝
Even a tantrum filled day is better by your side.
And we get to eat all the cake once the dragons are asleep.
#magicalbirthdays #trueloveinreallife #reallifelovestories #reallifelove #fatherofdragons #dragonfamily

Last day of the year... What did 2019 look like fo

Last day of the year...
What did 2019 look like for you? .
I see this person and it says so much about my last year. Carrying so much, I should barely be able to walk... and yet, I can, and I do, because that’s what you do. .
It was a really really hard year, with 3 dragons under 4, a very long winter, a move, massive changes... add to it #ppd and feeling incredibly lonely.
It was a hard one.
And it was a beautiful one too.
.
I learnt so much.
I learnt so much about myself and my body. I went through my third post partum. I nursed my third baby. I also got my body back, my own, for the first time in 5 years without sharing it with little humans.
.
I learnt how to live with less stuff and also how to build a house. .
I learnt I can do more than I think I can.
But I should also say no.
.
I learnt painful loneliness and said goodbye to relationships that made me feel lonelier.
I welcomed new friends into my life.
I asked forgiveness from old friends.
.
I fought and loved and cuddled and felt resentment and awe and impulse and admiration and so much more for my love @ajswartz .
I helped my clients change their lives and watched in awe as they did.
.
So many days I felt I couldn’t carry the load. Other days it felt like the load was made of air.
I had friends who helped me carry, who encouraged me (@houseandhook @maguiremktg @k_f1nn ) An amazing coach @shelaghcummins entered my life.
A dragon learnt how to skate, another how to swim, a third how to turn his hands into his feet.
So is life...
.
May the next Year, the next decade, be one or impulse, so much fun, lots of amazing sex, incredible friendships, adventures galore and an infinite amount of kindness.
.
#happynewyear2020 #2019ponderings #endofadecade #goodbye2019hello2020 #bringiton

I love narratives. I love books. They’ve been t

I love narratives.
I love books.
They’ve been the core of my life as far as I can remember.
Today I learnt a huge lesson.
.
I used to have a friend I was incredibly close to. We talked everyday, several times a day, we walked and drank massive juices during the heartbreak we were both going through. We were vulnerabl
I helped her move.
She came to my brother’s funeral.
We watched chickflicks when we were sad. We encouraged each other to be and do better.
We had terrible lovers and joked about them.
We had terrible boyfriends and cried over them.
.
When I moved away we FaceTimed often. She helped design and furnish my apartment. She visited me & walked my dog.
She held my hand and laughed during my terrible men choices.
We got haircuts together.
We shared tea.
And wine.
.
And then I got married and she didn’t show up the way I envisioned, the way I needed her.
And I felt hurt.
Our friendship broke up.
We stopped talking for a long time. I didn’t call her to tell her I was pregnant. We talked after but always with awkwardness.
.
We had an elephant in our friendship. We chatted and spoke and saw each other when I visited, but it was always strange, always stiff.
.
It is absurd. I love narrative and have been playing with narrative my whole life and yet I couldn’t see that the story I had told myself of what happened was not what the other person lived.
.
Today I had breakfast with her and almost when we had to go I brought the subject up; I told her my hurt, she told me hers. And my hurt seemed completely absurd compared to hers.
She did her utmost effort to come to my wedding, she went above and beyond to be there for me, and I didn’t see it. I didn’t see her.
I was so engrossed in my own story I didn’t allow for another story to exist.
.
With absolute humility I asked her to forgive me. To forgive my selfishness and my inability to see beyond myself and my own narrative.
She cried, I think because I was seeing her for the first time. I didn’t cry because of the absolute shock of the story I had been living in for the past five years. I am sure tears will come.
..
Continued in comments
#friendships #lifelongfriend #forgiveness #withhumil

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