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Tag: books

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Posted on March 14, 2019

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Such Nonsense Do you remember when you learnt about sex? I … Continue reading “Let’s talk about sex, baby”

Sexuality books, education, motherhood, parenting, sexualityPosted on March 14, 2019

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I love narratives.
I love books.
They’ve been the core of my life as far as I can remember.
Today I learnt a huge lesson.
.
I used to have a friend I was incredibly close to. We talked everyday, several times a day, we walked and drank massive juices during the heartbreak we were both going through. We were vulnerabl
I helped her move.
She came to my brother’s funeral.
We watched chickflicks when we were sad. We encouraged each other to be and do better.
We had terrible lovers and joked about them.
We had terrible boyfriends and cried over them.
.
When I moved away we FaceTimed often. She helped design and furnish my apartment. She visited me & walked my dog.
She held my hand and laughed during my terrible men choices.
We got haircuts together.
We shared tea.
And wine.
.
And then I got married and she didn’t show up the way I envisioned, the way I needed her.
And I felt hurt.
Our friendship broke up.
We stopped talking for a long time. I didn’t call her to tell her I was pregnant. We talked after but always with awkwardness.
.
We had an elephant in our friendship. We chatted and spoke and saw each other when I visited, but it was always strange, always stiff.
.
It is absurd. I love narrative and have been playing with narrative my whole life and yet I couldn’t see that the story I had told myself of what happened was not what the other person lived.
.
Today I had breakfast with her and almost when we had to go I brought the subject up; I told her my hurt, she told me hers. And my hurt seemed completely absurd compared to hers.
She did her utmost effort to come to my wedding, she went above and beyond to be there for me, and I didn’t see it. I didn’t see her.
I was so engrossed in my own story I didn’t allow for another story to exist.
.
With absolute humility I asked her to forgive me. To forgive my selfishness and my inability to see beyond myself and my own narrative.
She cried, I think because I was seeing her for the first time. I didn’t cry because of the absolute shock of the story I had been living in for the past five years. I am sure tears will come.
..
Continued in comments
#friendships #lifelongfriend #forgiveness #withhumil

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Happy Birthday to me!
This is me at 38.
For some reason it feels like a big age, like a milestone of some sort.
Not sure why.
Perhaps it’s where I am in life, with three tiny people all over me, with their stickiness and their love.
Or perhaps it is because I am so clear of the path I am on, my business is growing, I am creating great impact in women’s lives, I love what I do.
It could be that 38 feels big because it will be the year I get my body to be my own after five years of sharing it with tiny humans.
.
It could be that the stability I feel in my relationship translates into the maturity I feel. I don’t know.
38 just feels big.
And wonderful.
.
This is me after an hour and a half massage I reluctantly scheduled for myself. A massage I was late for because I wanted to spend time with my husband.
This si me before sitting down by an indoor pool and revising the first draft of a book I just wrote (and it is fabulous!) This is me with so much gratefulness for the healthy body I get to have. For the three healthy mini humans I get to watch as they explore the world.
This is me being grateful for the country that has embraced me with all its wonderful people and incredible resources.
This is me being grateful for the country I come from, the country that made me who I am and the one I will always call home.
.
This is me at 38 being grateful over tantrums (some of them), and a warm and safe home. Being grateful for the food in my fridge and on my table. Grateful for new friendships that are blossoming.
This is me being grateful for my life, for my love, for one more year of me in this world. .
#happybirthdaytome #gratefulbirthday #sograteful #selfcare #selfcarebirthday #lifeiswonderful #newfriendships

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Dinner for one?
.
It seems like the week before my birthday is all about lessons. Mostly about listening to myself.
Yesterday I posted in my stories how incredibly, mentally, hard it was to schedule a massage for myself. Although it’s something I advocate and encourage my clients to take time for themselves.
.
Now here I am. I was supposed to have dinner with a new friend and I didn’t confirm and life is so damn busy and it’s cold outside, and snowy... so here I am in not my sweatpants, sitting by myself, and I ordered myself a glass of wine. And a soup, and a salad, and of course the very famous tartar.
.
I Mostly wanted to go home, perhaps with a takeout box with me, and sit and watch whatever show (probably #themorningshow). .
But being stood up is an opportunity to take my own advice and take myself out on a date.
I’ve been so grumpy, pms-y and overall ugh that I barely want to spend time with myself... so to actually sit in this lovely place by myself... it is big.
.
(And I’ve also been grumbling that I need time alone. So, tada! Birthday gift! Time solo!)
.
Oh world, oh life’s swinging back my life lessons to myself. And putting me in my client’s place, to help me realize that it is really really damn hard to do. .
So here I part ways with you, goodbye to social media for the next hour while I enjoy the company of my own person.
I am sure we will have a great conversation because I am truly, quite interesting and funny.
.
#selfdate #dateyourself #birthdayweek #celebrateme #loveyourself #spendingtimealone #spendingtimealoneishealthy #takingmyownadvice #dowhatyoupreach

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On my way to a meeting this morning, after school drop off and a music class and rushing and haggling for clothes to be worn and layers to be accepted... I texted my husband: “sex tonight?”
.
I was feeling frisky. And in the mood.
And of course thinking about it all day was pretty exciting.
Yup, planned sex is exciting and enticing and something to look forward to.
.
Sex at night? Is it possible? Well... yes and no.
Bedtime with three tiny humans is always a shitshow. Actually 4:30-7:30 pm every day is a shitshow because it is.
Sometimes they’ll surprise us and go to sleep quickly and quietly. Sometimes, often, they won’t.
It’s one calling for a last hug, another one is certain that the ouchie in their finger is so painful it is impossible to concentrate in sleep.
.
Tonight was no different, although we really wanted to get seduced by each other. So the sense of urgency was there not out of exhaustion but out of excitement.
.
Yes. We have sex after kids are in bed, before walking the dog and cleaning up. If we wait until all the things that need to get done are done... exhaustion. And who has the energy?
.
So tonight between caresses and kisses, trying sexy lingerie... we were Intereupted for a last hug, for a kiss, for a tuck in.
I rushed to them putting a shirt on, I rushed to them in my underwear... (my arousal less noticeable than my husband’s hard-on).
.
It killed the mood but we didn’t let it. I sat on his face and had to rush to sing a lullaby. I came back and repositioned myself with a giggle... like we were being naughty in this parenting of ours.
.
because this is life right now. The absolute time and concentration to seduce each other is a huge commodity so we need to take it in stride and laugh and be in the best way we can...
.
Have you texted your partner today that you want to get seduced?
.
#realmomlife #realmomlifemoments #marriedsexlife #marriedsex #sexytimes #eroticexpert #awokenbeauty #vidademama #qualitytimetogether

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Five years ago today I woke up and found myself a married woman.
It was bizarre.
It was also wonderful.
But so bizarre.
.
You see, I grew up with the notion that marriage was the All. The Everything.
It didn’t matter what my achievements were as an individual, If I was single, they were kind of worthless.
.
A year ago an aunt I truly loved sent me an email for my birthday saying “you finally made it! It took you a bit but you made it!” She was referring to my marital status as well as me being able to procreate so quickly and so notoriously.
Marriage was the end all. Marriage was the goal to achieve. Marriage was where I needed to go to. (No one ever spoke of what kind of relationship you should have or what kind of person your partner should be. No. Not relevant. Just the marriage part.)
.
By the way this aunt is one of the smartest people I know and has a PhD.
But marriage. .

Five years ago I woke up having to redefine it all.
I didn’t get married because I had to. I didn’t get married to elevate my status of worth little to worth something because I had a man by my side.
I didn’t get married to have children.
I didnt get married for health care.
I got married because I wanted to.
.
5 years ago I woke up after an incredible party and high quality sex and I was grateful to be waking up next to the man that sees me for who I am and sees beyond that to push me to be better.
The man who holds me and fills my water bottle every night, the man who goes to the kids in the morning so I get a bit of extra sleep, the one who believes in me even when I doubt. The man who has made me feel things in bed I can barely describe, and who makes me laugh like no one has. The man who cries and makes me feel like it’s ok to break too. .
Marriage was a choice for us, a choice I gratefully had. And one we chose to redefine for ourselves.
Happy anniversary my love @ajswartz may we continue surprising each other with our adventures and life.
I love you more today than I did yesterday.

Photo by @elliana_allon .
#foolsrushin #happyanniversary #lovetruth #ponderings #awokenbeauty #thisismylove

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I am so tired.
It’s been a long day, as always. A very long weekend.
I am tired.
And I am so content.
I am happy.
I was at the park today and there was nothing else I would have rather been doing than pushing two swings.
I am happy.
I am so filled.
Today there was nothing I would have rather been doing than cleaning up after meals and making more meals.
Today I danced with all my children.
Last night I danced with my love.
.
I am happy.
Today we played and had our constant chaos photographed by @elliana_allon without a hint of judgement over the absolute tornado that is life.
Her lens sits in front of an adoring eye that admires beauty.
And I am.
We are.
.
Today I am happy. There was uninterrupted sleep. I am in a warm bed and soon my love will enter it and hug me as we cuddle and each read our own books.
I am happy, my babies are sleeping warm and safe.
.
Today my post partum body looks so sensual and sexy I wish I wasn’t so tired to jump my husband. (We shall see...)
.
Today I am happy. Tomorrow I hope I will be too, but for now, I am content with the happiness, tranquility and calm I feel within me.
.
Life ebbs and flows, today I am filled with gratitude.
.
#justmylife #momponderings #feelinggratitude #sensualme #happinessis

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Roundness in the year many wish each other, and sweetness.
A sweet and happy year are the wishes that abound.
.
I wish you too for the roundness that is, the roundness of the full belly with food and laughter.
The roundness of the mouth when it is trying to grasp with sound the complete and utter pleasure that a body can produce.
The roundness of a life that is hectic and has so much it almost bursts at the seams, but in a way, is balanced to utter perfection.
.
I wish you too for the snail in your life.
To have the ability, this year, and all those to come, of getting where you are aiming towards. Slow, or fast, or whatever velocity of the shell you are carrying along dictates.
I wish you the patience of the snail to find the pleasure that resides within you.
I wish you to find snails and have the time and space to look at them and it’s wonder and awe.
I wish you pause to be, to stare, to breathe. .
And, of course, I wish for all of you lots of pleasure, much sweetness and a happy and joyful year.
#shanatovaumetuka #shanatova #felizano #newbegginings #balancedlife

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It’s been a long fucking day.
No, it’s been a long fucking weekend.
No.
Everyday is long.
And wonderful.
And so hard.
And sometimes I explode in absolute joy at the incredible life I have, the most intricate and delightful happiness is mine.
And sometimes I want to run away, far far away. I think of the life that was. Before love. Before babies. Before us. And I yearn for it as only someone who knows how incredibly lonely and lonesome it was can yearn for something that also had its goodness.
It’s been a long fucking day.
I’m tired.
I’m always tired.
.
It’s been a long day and this is the first time I see me.
This is the first time I really think me.
Because it’s been everything and everyone else. The needs and the desires, the survival and the meltdown. The food, the entertainment and, sometimes, the parenting. The life and the job and the to-do and the money.
Everything swallows.
And then there’s me.
I wash my face and apply creams. Slowly. So slowly. Because in the touch, in the intimate gaze I finally allow myself to have on myself, I See Me.

And damn, I’m beautiful.
#justlife #ponderings #ponderingsandsuch #pastpresentfuture #takingsmoment #breatheinbreatheout #motherhoodrising #motherhoodforreal #almost38

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Sometimes all I can see is that little window with what seems to be a wonderful place to be.
.
Sometimes I feel so stuck I have no idea how to get out of the situation (s) I’ve gotten myself into.
Or the place.
Or the people.
Or the life. .
It’s cozy in here, and so uncomfortable.
.
And then the little boy that is my dragon comes back and with the utmost concentration sets some dirt on my thigh and tells me it’s my seatbelt.
And the faraway land looks as enticing.
But right now I’m sitting in a plane he has declared.
.
.
#motherhoodunplugged #motheringdragons #mommylife #lamaternidadysuscosas #thingsisee #alliam #ponderings #ponderinglady

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This is unapologetically me.
Doing stuff I never expected to do. Letting go of the notions I have of myself.
Becoming my children’s canvas.
Don’t we all become our child’s canvas ? (Unless we attempt to impose our created child on them...)
.
I am my own creation and I recreate myself every day.
My children re-create me, according to their needs.
.
My Erotic Self recreates me; I paint upon the canvas layed out by my needs and wants, by my exhaustion and my lack of patience, by the time that evaporates from existence by the blink of 3 pairs of eyes.
.
I recreate my desire on the canvas that is my current reality. It looks different than it was years ago, it is different than what it will be in a few years.
My desires are created and recreated, they flow and transform in eternal metamorphosis for they are alive.
.
#eroticponderings #unapologeticmama #makingart #bodyartwork #bodyart #fleetingmoments #fleeingboredom #motherhoodrising #myrealmotherhood #realsexlife #sexafterkids #eroticself

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This. Was. Fucking. Hard.
I’d been wanting to try out silks for years but baby making and silks don’t go so great together.
And today it happened, at basically 10 months #postpartum, I did it.
And it was so hard.
My very strong core is mush.
My once upon a time strong arms could barely hold me for a few seconds.
But I did it. I went up and upside down and swung and was not graceful at all at any point, but I had so much fun!
.
In a way it’s a metaphor of my life right now.
Once upon a time I would have had the time and strength to perfect this. I would have expected nothing less from my athletic body.
Right now I am (almost always, except sometimes) accepting of all the strength I lost. And all I have to regain, slowly, slowly...
Life is that right now, so fast paced there is barely time to breathe, so damn slow I have no patience for this absence of rational time...
And so damn hard.
.
So here I am, smiling, smiling broadly and so happy.
I am totally unaware of how achy I will be tomorrow, and I am ecstatic with this new adventure.
.
. What new adventures are in your horizon right now?
.
#postpartumjourney #postpartumfitnessjourney
#stronginsideandoutside #patienceismymantra #motherhoodrising #motherhoodunplugged #silks #playingwithsilks #circusplay

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It’s true. Our bodies are designed for pleasure. And yet... Whenever we hear whispers of the word pleasure, dirty stigmas come rushing straight into our heads because whatever the conversation about feeling good is going about, it just be bad, no? Obviously.
.
We are taught that something that feels really really good is bad for us, like an ice cream, or chocolate, or a mind blowing orgasm. Sigh.
Feeling pleasure, especially as women, is seen as something broken, as something bizarre and unwanted.
And yet...
When we are exposed to mainstream porn, the women actresses are directed to act their pleasure, to wail and to moan and to yell. The pleasure itself is non relevant, the acting is.
.
I encounter too many women who assume they need to act the pleasure even though they don’t feel it.
They never knew they are able and should demand it.
.
Pleasure also comes in different forms. That is part of the Erotic Self. The part that is able and willing to feel pleasure at many levels.
.
So much more to say...
.
Do you feel guilty by feeling pleasure?
Do you embrace and celebrate your pleasure. .
#sexeducation #feminism #feministsex #feelingpleasure #realsextalk #healthysexuality #sexlifebelike #sexualjourney #noguiltpleasure

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