Why I’m excited I’m raising a girl

I don’t even remember when or how my husband and I decided not to know our baby’s gender. At the beginning of the pregnancy I kept dreaming our baby was a dolphin. Then I dreamt it was a boy, then a girl, then both! (I seriously had made a decision of what to do if our baby was a hermaphrodite (choose a neutral name and let the child choose for itself eventually…).

People placed bets. My mother was sure it was a boy. My mother-in-law claimed the same. Strangers in the street and in the market would congratulate me and claim absolute knowledge on my child’s gender. Then she was born.

And now I am so excited I will be raising a little girl.

I grew up with three brothers and although my mom gave me wings to fly and as much freedom as she dared, I always saw the difference in my upbringing. My brothers’ were freer, my brothers’ were less judged, my brothers’ had more space to figure out for themselves who they were. I felt I had a path I had to follow. I felt I was very restrained.

I wished I was a boy. But of course, I wasn’t. So I hated pink and bows and tried to be as tomboyish as a thick-glasses-bad-coordination-nerdy- little girl could be. It didn’t work out very well. I still couldn’t walk to the comic book stand a block away by myself.

I am excited I will raise a girl because I want to see who she becomes. I don’t want to force who she will be.

I grew up Jewish, Modern Orthodox. I went to synagogue and had to always sit in the second floor or towards the back of the building. Never encouraged nor allowed to participate in services. My brothers had Bar Mitzvas they prepared for for months. Theirs was a true stepping stone in their spiritual growth. They read from the Torah. I had a party and gave a speech.

I want my daughter to grow up with a Jewish education, but one that does not see her as a second class citizen like I always felt, but as an essential member of the community. I want my daughter to have a Jewish Identity of the kind that doesn’t discriminate against her because she is a woman.

I grew up playing with Barbies and suddenly, once I hit puberty, I did not understand why my body looked the way it did and not the way those dolls had silently promised it would. I want my daughter to not expect her body to be the perfection others have set for us. I want my daughter to be awed and appreciative of her thighs and waist, of the breasts she will grow and the body hair she will decide to remove or not.

I am excited my baby is a girl because I want to encourage her to love her body, no matter what size or shape it has.

I grew up thinking I had to look a certain way, act a certain way, in order to be loved. I grew up changing who I was for a boy or another to like me. I let one to many men humiliate me because I thought that was the only way to get their attention. I allowed one to many men to abuse me because that’s what I thought I deserved.

I want my daughter to love herself more than anyone. I want her to know that whomever loves her, needs to love her exactly as she is, without requiring her to be someone else. I want my daughter to have the self esteem to say No. I want my daughter to have sexual relations that are loving, freeing and joyful and fun and healthy. I don’t ever want my daughter to feel she has to consent in order to get attention or love.

I’m excited to raise a girl nowadays because I have incredible resources like this:

• A Mighty Girl – toys, books, costumes, everything for an incredible little girl.
• Princess Awesome – If my kid decides she wants clothes that show her love for math, dinosaurs and ninjas.
• Girls Leadership – a lot of educational resources and workshops and more!
• Girls Who Code – in case my little one is a wonderful geek, I can encourage her to be so!

I am excited to raise a girl in the twenty first century because there are so many things that have changed, she will have much more freedom than me, and her grandmother and her great grandmother. And she will also learn that there are women all over the world, little girls like her who don’t have any freedom, who are married against their will, who are scrutinised, judged and abused because of who they are, of what they are.

I want my child to know that this is still happening and for her to have a consciousness and morale to help stop it, to help more girls have the freedom, the education and the self esteem she will have.