I’m first, after chaos

Ponderings parenting, self intimacyPosted on

Scene 1.

There is blood on the shirt. There is blood on the sofa. Someone fell. There were tears. Also hugs. There have been meltdowns all around. I need to pee. I forgot how long ago I have been needing to pee.

Scene 2.

The kitchen floor is filled with spices. It’s one hour before dinner. I don’t fight it anymore. Let them experiment.

Scene 3.

I have twenty minutes by myself. the biggest question of all: Do I masturbate or do I shower.

Baby wakes up, she had all the answers.

Intermission:

I’m first. I say to myself as I wake up in the morning and I attempt to sleep just a few minutes longer, as I try to stretch out a little bit more, as I turn over, sheets up to my chin and refuse for the chaos to begin anew.

I’m first, I say to myself as I sip cold coffee midday because there just wasn’t enough time for me to have my coffee hot, with breakfast.

I’m first I say to myself as I scramble my first shower in three days because sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta just do it no matter the consequences (like less sleep, less time for work, less time for anything else).

I’m first I whisper to myself as I know that the tiny human is napping and no one is in the house and yes, there is so much work for me to do but perhaps I can take out that toy I really like for a spin… baby won’t wake up just as I am getting hot and wet, right?

right?

The play’s play

I wish. Mostly. I teach all of my clients that being Selfish is not only good, it is awesome. When you are a woman that is scrambling to get absolutely everything into place, juggling a gazillion pickups with a full bladder, eating leftovers because there just wasn’t enough time to get a plate for yourself, you need to go first. It is part of my mantra. Be Selfish. Be Selfish.

When you are selfish, when you put yourself first, you are happier, you are more fulfilled, you are all around a better person, which means you can be a better partner, a better entrepreneur, a better parent. We live in a society that has taught us to always be giving giving giving… but if you are exactly that and never take anything back, you end up empty. And who can run on an empty tank?

Of course we get the satisfaction of tiny smiles and whatnot, but is that enough? You need to grab the time by its horns and give it to yourself. No one is going to give you time, you need to take it. No one is going to give you the space you need, you need to seize it. 

I am a terrible listener to myself.

I tell all my clients and anyone who attends a worshop that You always come first (maybe in the bedroom too? 😉 if you can come first, you will put others second, and second after You feels like first, doesn’t it?

Perhapys its time to listen to me, and be selfish. Its been a rough few weeks, I need the time, I need the space, I need Me.

 

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