Self-pleasure, self-love

Ponderings, Sexuality body image, feminism, intimacy, sexualityPosted on

Happy #MasturbationMonth!

If you thought May was all about flowers and perhaps Mother’s day, you are wrong! There’s another big M that needs to be celebrated and that is, Masturbation!

The big M began to be celebrated on May 28, when #MasturbationDay was inaugurated in England and Australia in 1995 and it has since expanded to the whole month.

I am a big advocate for masturbation and self-intimacy, as you probably know if you’ve ever heard me talk. I always mention masturbation.

Why is that? It is one of the earliest ways we have of exploring our sexual beings and ourselves and, sadly, it is the one that is the most laden with shame, guilt and taboo. (Where I’m from it is quite known that if you masturbate you will grow hairs on the palms of your hands. True story).

There has been imaging of fetuses in utero touching themselves, because, it feels good, doesn’t it? And you need only watch toddlers bathing to know that touching oneself is completely natural and normal.

Yes, of course there is such a thing as privacy and intimacy that needs to be taught, as in, please don’t be touching yourself on the bus or at school, but it needs be without the shame that is usually attached to such learning. Of that, I will write a later post.

But for now, masturbation!

Why wouldn’t we do it? Why do we need to rely on another for the pleasure we can provide ourselves?

So here’s me, Kelly, the Erotic Expert, telling you to go and have a good time with yourself… maybe take out a toy you haven’t played with in a while, maybe buy yourself a new one, indulge.

You are a little shy you say? It’s been too long and you don’t even know where to begin? Well, I understand that, it happens! Life is busy, there is work and children and bills and weather and puppies that need to be walked. And somehow self-pleasure ended up at the end of the list.

Don’t worry, we’ll fix that. No, I won’t tell you to jump into bed with yourself right away… you need a bit of seduction, some wooing, don’t you?

Would you jump into bed with a stranger or even a long lost lover without some romancing first?

So take yourself out on a date. It doesn’t need to be fancy, it doesn’t need to be too special. It just needs to be a self-date. Maybe it’s you drinking a coffee all by your lonesome self, watching people go by. Maybe it’s a walk. Or sitting on a park bench reading a book. A gallery visit, a bike ride. It’s just time with yourself; re-discovering who you are, today (as we do tend to change every day).

Maybe you take yourself in, watch a movie, or take a bath. Drink a glass of wine just because, or the best damn espresso you’ve ever made. Don’t wait around for someone else to make you feel special. You are special, you just need to remind yourself of that.

Now that you have, you deserve some pleasure, so go, touch yourself, build up, be hands on, tweak some things along the way, circle in on the right approach, perhaps you need to dig deep and you will hit the right spot.

It’s ok to practice out loud (if you can…).