There\u2019s a before and an after to this story.<\/p>\n
As many stories in this time of life the before is before my body and my life turned baby making into a way of life. The after, well, the after is obvious.<\/p>\n
The topic, also obvious if you read the title.<\/p>\n
This is about cannabis, pot, marijuana, mota, hierba<\/em>or however you want to call it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part I<\/strong><\/p>\n The before babies part is easy and short and not that unusual. I used to smoke every so often, for fun. In part of my life it was for pain, but for the most it was for fun.<\/p>\n I always bought from \u201cthe guy\u201d and had whatever he had.<\/p>\n In Mexico (where I am from), it came in large quantities in a piece of newspaper. It had a lot of seeds.<\/p>\n In New York \u201cthe guy\u201d had a bag with vials and different strains.<\/p>\n Again, for fun.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part II<\/strong><\/p>\n I haven\u2019t smoked or ingested anything with cannabis in a really long time, over four years. I\u2019ve been pregnant or nursing or both in those years and I thought there was nothing scientific that could tell me it was ok to partake while my body was being shared by tiny dragons. I heard and read anecdotally about women who ingested for terrible morning sickness, or for post partum depression. Anecdotally kids were fine. Are fine. Thriving. And yet I didn\u2019t give myself permission to participate.<\/p>\n So here I was, without consuming in what feels like an incredibly momentous moment in history, legalization in Canada!<\/p>\n I saw people commenting here and there and everywhere about oils and vapes and I looked with longing to that old green friend who wasn\u2019t really my friend anymore because she hadn\u2019t really been with me in this new period of my life, right?<\/p>\n Until, yes, there\u2019s always an until, until I went to a Cannabis panel for moms by MomsTO<\/a>, and there it was, the unicorn, the holy grail, the one and only doctor who actually knew what he was talking about. Here was Dr. Jack Newman a pediatrician a specialist in breastfeeding, the director and creator of a breastfeeding clinic\u00a0<\/a>and here he was telling me if anything of the cannabis was getting into my milk it would be a nanogram. Want to know more, here\u2019s the link to the article\u00a0<\/a>he wrote on it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part III<\/strong><\/p>\n So here I was, with permission and with oils in the house.<\/p>\n My husband had gotten a prescription for them before legalization and I was oh so eager\u2026<\/p>\n I was also going through a really rough time, three kids are a lot of kids. Especially when the eldest is not even three and a half and the youngest is a newborn. Three kids is a lot of kids when you have no family around, the few friends you do have in this new city also have very young children and it is the dead of winter.<\/p>\n Three kids is a lot of kids and I was not doing well, at all. I was feeling really overwhelmed, I was weepy without cause or with cause (like when I couldn\u2019t soothe my baby), I was irritable and overall having a really hard time.<\/p>\n My naturopath said I did not have post partum depression per se because I had no trouble sleeping (oh sweet exhaustion) and I didn\u2019t have self-harming thoughts.<\/p>\n But this was the closest to post partum depression I have ever been and I was not being able to deal, or feed my kids, or be the mom I want to be.<\/p>\n So here we come again to cannabis oil.<\/p>\n Part IV<\/strong><\/p>\n The first time I took it was .1ml, start low and go slow<\/em>is what they say, and they are right. I had no idea what my body\u2019s reaction would be. I hadn\u2019t had any cannabis in years and I had never had such pure concentration of it. The oil was pure CBD<\/a> with 1% of THC. With .1ml I was flowing. I had a tiny high and I was doing ok.<\/p>\n I also really loved the flavor. It proustianly took me to way back when another life was mine.<\/p>\n I have since taken that oil here and then, when I am having a really hard time, or when I know it will get really tough. It helps me move forward, it helps me detach in an attached way so I can better take care of my children without melting down into a ball of irritation or sadness.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t expecting this but I was.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Part V<\/strong><\/p>\n This is what I wasn\u2019t expecting.<\/p>\n Part of the mild post partum depression, part of being absolutely overwhelmed with three children, my body that hasn\u2019t been my body for forever, the clothes that don\u2019t fit, the winter that won\u2019t go away, the absolute loneliness that is early motherhood\u2026 was a complete disconnect with myself.<\/p>\n I just couldn\u2019t be with me. I couldn\u2019t reach me.<\/p>\n